my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
