But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
