Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
