I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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