Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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