Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
