Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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