This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
