I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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