Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
