Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Enjoy the penises
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
