Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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