I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
