i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
