i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
