for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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