Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
