so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
