i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
