Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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