right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
