ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
