He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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