Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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