I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
