so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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