just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
