do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
