I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
one might say we're banned from that church
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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