i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
