Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
