he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
