we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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