I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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