Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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