I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
