WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
