You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
