She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
