if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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