one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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