3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
