just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
