yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
