i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
