Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
