I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
