wrigley field is MILF paradise
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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