i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
