We're like a lot better than the average bears
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
