I just saw a hot homeless man
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
