No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
