I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Randomize
